No Regrets

Five years ago Julian and I were sitting in a hospital ER room for five hours, waiting for a crib to open up in the children’s ward upstairs.  Hours before that, we were at the pediatrician doing a urine test because my 14 month old son was doing exactly what I remembered my sister complaining about many years ago, peeing uncontrollably and drinking as though there were no tomorrow.

I remember the endocrinologist saying almost nonchalantly to us “Your son has Type 1 diabetes,” without him realizing the brevity of his words…that he was saying this to a family who had lost my sister to the same disease.

I remember having to restrain a baby for almost an hour to find a vein that wasn’t collapsing so they could take vials of his blood.  The crib “cage” they wheeled in for him to sleep in, which I refused.

I remember snuggling my baby boy in a hospital bed all night on New Year’s Eve and crying, hoping the diagnosis was some sort of mistake and that in the morning the blood work would show he’d miraculously been cured and all would be okay again.

I remember crying over the phone to my best friend before we got to the hospital, begging her to tell me that my baby wasn’t going to die.

In five years we’ve had the most amazing experiences with family, friends, medical teams, and complete strangers.  I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.  I don’t wish this life or diagnosis away, and I’m so, so SO amazingly thankful for all of it.  Our “diaversary” lands on New Year’s Eve, and we’re happy to not be in a hospital and glad to be home more than anywhere else.

Every time I look at this boy, I just can’t believe how healthy and strong he is.  I’m grateful to medical technology, for the world that we live in, and for all the beautiful souls who are with us on this crazy journey.  No regrets, no wishing away anything, just remembering how very very lucky we all are to be here.

Happy five years, my beautiful boy.

Finally sleeping after being admitted to the children's floor
Finally sleeping after being admitted to the children’s floor
Five years later!
Five years later!

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